








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1376 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,336 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1012 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1364 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1362 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 598 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $476,999 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EVIL OWL | 64% | 22 |
| #2 | EVIL CROW | 55% | 49 |
| #3 | peter file | 52% | 222 |
| #4 | pooter | 49% | 131 |
| #5 | EVIL EAGLE | 47% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EVIL OWL | 64% | 22 |
| #2 | EVIL CROW | 55% | 49 |
| #3 | peter file | 52% | 222 |
| #4 | pooter | 49% | 131 |
| #5 | EVIL EAGLE | 47% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | peter file | 24 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | EVIL EAGLE | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | EVIL OWL | 5 | 0.0117 |
| #4 | EVIL CROW | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | pooter | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | peter file | 533 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #2 | EVIL EAGLE | 435 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #3 | EVIL CROW | 235 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #4 | EVIL OWL | 88 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | pooter | 43 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EVIL CROW | +6.94 | 73 | 72 |
| #2 | peter file | +6.01 | 68 | 48 |
| #3 | EVIL OWL | -0.66 | 47 | 35 |
| #4 | EVIL EAGLE | -0.70 | 39 | 52 |
| #5 | fart | -3.30 | 13 | 38 |





