








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 464 matches | ||
| Premier | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




269 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8215 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,053 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12511 | 39% |
| Smokes | 9350 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5864 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4328 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,020,833 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 68 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ツ | 40% | 154 |
| #2 | Yung Turdle | 40% | 58 |
| #3 | WelpM3 | 39% | 121 |
| #4 | tokumms | 38% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ツ | 40% | 154 |
| #2 | Yung Turdle | 40% | 58 |
| #3 | WelpM3 | 39% | 121 |
| #4 | tokumms | 38% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ツ | 33 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | WelpM3 | 23 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | tokumms | 21 | 0.0237 |
| #4 | Yung Turdle | 9 | 0.0077 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WelpM3 | 323 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | ツ | 123 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | tokumms | 106 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Yung Turdle | 68 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | neo fart | +0.08 | 48 | 55 |
| #2 | tokumms | -0.35 | 11 | 27 |
| #3 | ツ | -0.61 | 66 | 23 |
| #4 | Yung Turdle | -1.53 | 46 | 28 |
| #5 | WelpM3 | -2.18 | 36 | 54 |





