








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 122 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1753 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,159 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1464 | 24% |
| Smokes | 976 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1683 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2036 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $837,643 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 77 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | useless bottomfragger | 47% | 73 |
| #8 | Jimbonaattori | 45% | 117 |
| #9 | ✪Samppi | 41% | 66 |
| #10 | vl$ ⏅ | 40% | 25 |
| #11 | N1eMi | 32% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jimbonaattori | 489 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #2 | Johhku | 291 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | Leesamu | 239 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | ✪Samppi | 214 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #5 | useless bottomfragger | 180 | 0.12 | 5 min |





