








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 302 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 425 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 173 matches | ||
| Wingman | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 54 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




81 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9426 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 44,070 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 16679 | 38% |
| Smokes | 11221 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 11396 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4774 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,684,952 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2217 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | .winterhill?神 | 83% | 87 |
| #5 | Baked | 76% | 50 |
| #6 | paranoia | 76% | 158 |
| #7 | Baba Yaga | 74% | 57 |
| #8 | Americas_Finest | 52% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | paranoia | 16 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | .winterhill?神 | 9 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Baba Yaga | 7 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | 亗köniG | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Americas_Finest | 4 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | paranoia | 122 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #2 | .winterhill?神 | 100 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | JustKingRuslan | 79 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Baba Yaga | 68 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Americas_Finest | 47 | 0.04 | 1 min |





