








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 42 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1153 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,193 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1120 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1046 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 935 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1092 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $369,728 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | 《paintball™》 | 50% | 52 |
| #11 | HeheXD | 48% | 54 |
| #12 | russian war criminal | 46% | 35 |
| #13 | pasi xa-180 | 14% | 7 |
| #14 | sMalL | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | russian war criminal | 11 | 0.0156 |
| #2 | HeheXD | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | 'Ow Are We? | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | 《paintball™》 | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | sMalL | 3 | 0.0213 |





