








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
460 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 995 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 238 | 24% |
| Smokes | 264 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 313 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 180 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $58,437 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | louwrens de palingboer | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | mcmuzzers | 39% | 28 |
| #3 | Oli | 36% | 42 |
| #4 | Lashricaz | 35% | 26 |
| #5 | Bush | 33% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | mcmuzzers | 39% | 28 |
| #3 | Oli | 36% | 42 |
| #4 | Lashricaz | 35% | 26 |
| #5 | Bush | 33% | 39 |
| #6 | Purple | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mcmuzzers | 10 | 0.0193 |
| #2 | Oli | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Bush | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Purple | 2 | 0.0299 |
| #5 | Lashricaz | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mcmuzzers | 131 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #2 | Oli | 82 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Bush | 62 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lashricaz | 39 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | louwrens de palingboer | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Şnæk🐍 | +6.23 | 64 | 55 |
| #2 | louwrens de palingboer | +2.59 | 52 | 62 |
| #3 | Bush | +0.93 | 79 | 34 |
| #4 | Oli | -0.97 | 46 | 53 |
| #5 | Purple | -5.62 | 30 | 4 |





