








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 382 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 203 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2569 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,889 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5006 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3590 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2627 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1666 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $482,369 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DOYA | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | kaesekuchen. | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | eta | 56% | 25 |
| #4 | rackelyNy[<º))))><] | 56% | 59 |
| #5 | [<º))))><]Cpt_Sloppy❤ | 53% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [<º))))><]Cpt_Sloppy❤ | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | rimlim ☯ hood | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | eta | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | rackelyNy[<º))))><] | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rackelyNy[<º))))><] | 145 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | rimlim ☯ hood | 100 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Mr. SpikkkeL | 73 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | [<º))))><]Cpt_Sloppy❤ | 70 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | eta | 66 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. SpikkkeL | +1.66 | 46 | 63 |
| #2 | eta | +1.52 | 57 | 72 |
| #3 | kaesekuchen. | +0.84 | 58 | 78 |
| #4 | Steve | +0.69 | 63 | 74 |
| #5 | rimlim ☯ hood | +0.22 | 55 | 63 |





