








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 543 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
897 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,065 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 740 | 36% |
| Smokes | 621 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 144 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 560 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,559 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 308 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ǝıpooɥ ɐp ʇıʍ ǝıƃooq | 40% | 105 |
| #2 | El Capitano | 40% | 58 |
| #3 | powershell.exe | 37% | 99 |
| #4 | Porkybrah | 36% | 14 |
| #5 | Scooter ™ | 35% | 127 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | El Capitano | 40% | 58 |
| #3 | powershell.exe | 37% | 99 |
| #4 | Porkybrah | 36% | 14 |
| #5 | Scooter ™ | 35% | 127 |
| #6 | DylanKaizen | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Capitano | 7 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | powershell.exe | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Scooter ™ | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | ǝıpooɥ ɐp ʇıʍ ǝıƃooq | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Porkybrah | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scooter ™ | 238 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | ǝıpooɥ ɐp ʇıʍ ǝıƃooq | 170 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | powershell.exe | 53 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | El Capitano | 39 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | DylanKaizen | 36 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Porkybrah | +5.19 | 52 | 44 |
| #2 | powershell.exe | -0.31 | 27 | 25 |
| #3 | kisuke | -0.48 | 38 | 30 |
| #4 | DylanKaizen | -0.58 | 40 | 46 |
| #5 | ǝıpooɥ ɐp ʇıʍ ǝıƃooq | -1.31 | 23 | 53 |





