








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 542 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 408 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 94 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4395 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,620 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6824 | 30% |
| Smokes | 6342 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5394 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4060 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,357,280 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 958 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Angry NPC | 47% | 57 |
| #7 | zamp121 | 46% | 211 |
| #8 | Nappula | 46% | 166 |
| #9 | Sensei Wu | 45% | 129 |
| #10 | a5o7 | 42% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Ossijh | 14 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Yritys oli kova | 11 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Sensei Wu | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | 𝓽𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓵𝓸𝔀ジ | 6 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | zamp121 | 4 | 0.0009 |





