








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1780 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,816 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 709 | 19% |
| Smokes | 726 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1361 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1020 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $812,419 of utility $211 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MRKI BOOMCHICK | 55% | 53 |
| #2 | muva | 53% | 98 |
| #3 | de_N1ck | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | 1zzy_st | 45% | 20 |
| #5 | Valium | 44% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MRKI BOOMCHICK | 55% | 53 |
| #2 | muva | 53% | 98 |
| #3 | de_N1ck | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | 1zzy_st | 45% | 20 |
| #5 | Valium | 44% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Valium | 20 | 0.0195 |
| #2 | muva | 11 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | MRKI BOOMCHICK | 8 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | 1zzy_st | 3 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | de_N1ck | 2 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | muva | 176 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | Valium | 170 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | MRKI BOOMCHICK | 102 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | 1zzy_st | 56 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | de_N1ck | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Valium | +1.20 | 63 | 39 |
| #2 | muva | +0.15 | 39 | 45 |
| #3 | de_N1ck | +0.03 | 65 | 17 |
| #4 | Gavro | -0.67 | 65 | 41 |
| #5 | 1zzy_st | -0.94 | 50 | 62 |





