








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 115 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1144 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,547 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1353 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1408 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 401 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 385 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $662,426 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rick | 44% | 16 |
| #2 | ChrispyCloud | 41% | 22 |
| #3 | Lag | 39% | 41 |
| #4 | Eagle | 38% | 77 |
| #5 | Hash. | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rick | 44% | 16 |
| #2 | ChrispyCloud | 41% | 22 |
| #3 | Lag | 39% | 41 |
| #4 | Eagle | 38% | 77 |
| #5 | Hash. | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lag | 9 | 0.0108 |
| #2 | Eagle | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | ChrispyCloud | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Rick | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eagle | 104 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Lag | 96 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | ChrispyCloud | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Rick | 25 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Hash. | 16 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lag | +1.80 | 46 | 57 |
| #2 | Eagle | +0.61 | 64 | 59 |
| #3 | CertifiedPapi | -0.07 | 49 | 57 |
| #4 | Rick | -1.85 | 35 | 54 |
| #5 | Hash. | -2.56 | 31 | 41 |





