








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 247 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3753 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,714 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3366 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1705 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2810 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2833 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $861,053 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 478 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I'm sorry Mega Dragonite | 65% | 34 |
| #2 | iChickenHero | 57% | 169 |
| #3 | Ezra | 57% | 207 |
| #4 | J. Edgar Pooter | 56% | 261 |
| #5 | 【= ❙ 𖥦 ❙ =】 | 51% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | iChickenHero | 57% | 169 |
| #3 | Ezra | 57% | 207 |
| #4 | J. Edgar Pooter | 56% | 261 |
| #5 | 【= ❙ 𖥦 ❙ =】 | 51% | 65 |
| #6 | SauSyBuu | 47% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J. Edgar Pooter | 36 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | 【= ❙ 𖥦 ❙ =】 | 17 | 0.0129 |
| #3 | Ezra | 14 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | iChickenHero | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | SauSyBuu | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J. Edgar Pooter | 1259 | 0.24 | 30 min |
| #2 | Ezra | 709 | 0.17 | 20 min |
| #3 | iChickenHero | 405 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | 【= ❙ 𖥦 ❙ =】 | 399 | 0.30 | 8 min |
| #5 | SauSyBuu | 99 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aireu fan #LoveFromMongolia | +3.26 | 78 | 52 |
| #2 | Ezra | +2.84 | 64 | 70 |
| #3 | iChickenHero | +2.50 | 85 | 58 |
| #4 | 【= ❙ 𖥦 ❙ =】 | -1.88 | 55 | 47 |
| #5 | I'm sorry Mega Dragonite | -2.55 | 54 | 28 |





