








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 155 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1637 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,233 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 357 | 11% |
| Smokes | 239 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 1544 | 48% |
| Molotovs | 1093 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $931,786 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | no0nec4res | 39% | 18 |
| #9 | poljak. | 38% | 143 |
| #10 | t0x1c T1ll3 | 38% | 24 |
| #11 | Timmi Hilfiger | 36% | 50 |
| #12 | DerJeans | 36% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poljak. | 17 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | Glatzkopf Kahlkopfgfdg | 16 | 0.0093 |
| #3 | Phipsi | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | DerJeans | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | t0x1c T1ll3 | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glatzkopf Kahlkopfgfdg | 252 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Phipsi | 250 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | DerJeans | 152 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | poljak. | 129 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Timmi Hilfiger | 98 | 0.09 | 2 min |





