








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 615 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 269 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4004 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,360 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8292 | 33% |
| Smokes | 6332 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5133 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 5603 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,184,242 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 533 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Eeyore | 49% | 143 |
| #2 | Catloaf Kory :3 | 49% | 129 |
| #3 | Anti-stick | 44% | 203 |
| #4 | Agent Urquell | 44% | 162 |
| #5 | Crazy Dave | 42% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zasranejbůhválky | 35 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Agent Urquell | 33 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | Mr. Eeyore | 33 | 0.0123 |
| #4 | Anti-stick | 29 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | Catloaf Kory :3 | 14 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zasranejbůhválky | 951 | 0.12 | 20 min |
| #2 | Agent Urquell | 397 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | Mr. Eeyore | 387 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | Catloaf Kory :3 | 354 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | Anti-stick | 174 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Eeyore | +4.87 | 86 | 56 |
| #2 | Mikey | +0.44 | 51 | 74 |
| #3 | Catloaf Kory :3 | +0.37 | 48 | 50 |
| #4 | zasranejbůhválky | -0.47 | 61 | 60 |
| #5 | Agent Urquell | -0.64 | 32 | 58 |





