








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 185 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 258 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
947 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5 | 15% |
| Smokes | 8 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 12 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $75,683 of utility $14 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 722 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chicken joe | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | (u_u) | 44% | 25 |
| #3 | teriyaki chicken | 43% | 30 |
| #4 | nate | 42% | 52 |
| #5 | princess | 38% | 140 |





