










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 259 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
697 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,292 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 87 | 7% |
| Smokes | 778 | 60% |
| HE Grenades | 124 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 303 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $195,844 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | marizard | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | ThatWaddle | 50% | 42 |
| #3 | gug greego | 40% | 50 |
| #4 | bhery | 35% | 20 |
| #5 | Quay | 33% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | bhery | 35% | 20 |
| #5 | Quay | 33% | 66 |
| #6 | Science team member | 30% | 33 |
| #7 | sharkboy | 13% | 8 |
| #8 | SLURPY | 11% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gug greego | 6 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Quay | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | ThatWaddle | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | SLURPY | 4 | 0.0220 |
| #5 | Science team member | 3 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThatWaddle | 106 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Quay | 90 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | gug greego | 74 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | bhery | 36 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | SLURPY | 30 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThatWaddle | +3.22 | 70 | 45 |
| #2 | Quay | +2.40 | 56 | 53 |
| #3 | sharkboy | +1.79 | 72 | 59 |
| #4 | marizard | +1.62 | 59 | 38 |
| #5 | SLURPY | -1.09 | 47 | 64 |





