








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 141 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
502 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,633 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 648 | 40% |
| Smokes | 490 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 188 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 307 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $150,031 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jacko | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | poopnoodle (Gigi) | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Soapy | 43% | 7 |
| #4 | SnowyDon | 43% | 14 |
| #5 | 76561198054591324 | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Soapy | 43% | 7 |
| #4 | SnowyDon | 43% | 14 |
| #5 | 76561198054591324 | 33% | 6 |
| #6 | Sleepy | 24% | 21 |
| #7 | Captain Cardboard | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleepy | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Captain Cardboard | 2 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | SnowyDon | 2 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Soapy | 2 | 0.0142 |
| #5 | 76561198054591324 | 1 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sleepy | 90 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #2 | SnowyDon | 42 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Captain Cardboard | 35 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Soapy | 23 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | 76561198054591324 | 19 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 76561198054591324 | +5.22 | 72 | 54 |
| #2 | poopnoodle (Gigi) | +2.44 | 49 | 53 |
| #3 | Captain Cardboard | +1.68 | 80 | 51 |
| #4 | Jacko | +1.06 | 69 | 62 |
| #5 | DEMuDANO | +0.18 | 60 | 68 |





