








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 109 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
531 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,186 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 329 | 28% |
| Smokes | 431 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 291 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 135 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $189,481 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | various household items | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | EYEBROWS RAISED | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | ein albertstine | 48% | 63 |
| #4 | fred the milkman | 46% | 54 |
| #5 | ☆my gF ☆ iS a raveRr☆ | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ein albertstine | 15 | 0.0121 |
| #2 | fred the milkman | 8 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | various household items | 6 | 0.0247 |
| #4 | oscar | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | Roygbiv | 3 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EYEBROWS RAISED | 187 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #2 | ein albertstine | 126 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | fred the milkman | 68 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | ☆my gF ☆ iS a raveRr☆ | 49 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Roygbiv | 35 | 0.09 | 1 min |





