








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 504 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 126 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 65 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2717 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,053 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4088 | 51% |
| Smokes | 2515 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1080 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 370 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $588,529 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2550 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆my gF ☆ iS a raveRr☆ | 53% | 19 |
| #2 | fred the milkman | 52% | 90 |
| #3 | Roygbiv | 51% | 109 |
| #4 | Chronic the Hemp-Hog | 50% | 38 |
| #5 | ein albertstine | 50% | 164 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ein albertstine | 354 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #2 | Roygbiv | 202 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | fred the milkman | 93 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | ☆my gF ☆ iS a raveRr☆ | 42 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | oscar | 36 | 0.06 | 1 min |





