








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 540 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 62 | 11% |
| Smokes | 224 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 144 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 110 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $132,468 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | so awesome | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Dr. Livesey | 44% | 25 |
| #3 | Dexter | 29% | 17 |
| #4 | Lihapää | 27% | 11 |
| #5 | kause | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | so awesome | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Dr. Livesey | 44% | 25 |
| #3 | Dexter | 29% | 17 |
| #4 | Lihapää | 27% | 11 |
| #5 | kause | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dexter | 3 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Lihapää | 3 | 0.0138 |
| #3 | Dr. Livesey | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | kause | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dexter | 76 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #2 | Dr. Livesey | 21 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #3 | kause | 14 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | Lihapää | 12 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | so awesome | 5 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | so awesome | +13.32 | 98 | 39 |
| #2 | kause | +0.52 | 87 | 27 |
| #3 | Lihapää | +0.22 | 83 | 43 |
| #4 | Dexter | -0.10 | 88 | 48 |
| #5 | Dr. Livesey | -0.44 | 31 | 35 |





