








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
185 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 358 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 40 | 11% |
| Smokes | 20 | 6% |
| HE Grenades | 226 | 63% |
| Molotovs | 72 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $85,300 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | carburetor technician1974 | 37 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | bombowiec | 23 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Ѵ∊NΦMzηأp∊R^^✖☠☢ | 11 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | Benjamin button | 9 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | r*tard | 3 | 0.06 | 0 min |





