








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 97 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1989 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,120 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 540 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1687 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 674 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1219 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $118,089 of utility $26 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 161 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Aljodesign | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | TheMrDJMonkey™ | 48% | 31 |
| #5 | Hai | 48% | 40 |
| #6 | rbong obong | 47% | 38 |
| #7 | skip bo | 43% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skip bo | 97 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | TheMrDJMonkey™ | 64 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | rbong obong | 57 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | go cry ♿ | 57 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hai | 49 | 0.06 | 1 min |





