








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1802 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 198 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 115 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4633 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,156 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4151 | 37% |
| Smokes | 2079 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 3065 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1861 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,848,724 of utility $258 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 623 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dWeezY (=) | 69% | 75 |
| #2 | Kick Buttowski | 68% | 50 |
| #3 | Killswitch | 64% | 58 |
| #4 | The Disaster | 62% | 26 |
| #5 | forty | 59% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | natkhat | 54% | 167 |
| #9 | noodle | 54% | 146 |
| #10 | doodooOwO | 52% | 42 |
| #11 | D3v1lHuNt3R | 48% | 33 |
| #12 | bNNas | 46% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | natkhat | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | noodle | 8 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Killswitch | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Kick Buttowski | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Sho | 3 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | noodle | 399 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #2 | forty | 257 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | natkhat | 227 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | bNNas | 197 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #5 | dWeezY (=) | 111 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fatetal!ty ;P | +3.95 | 80 | 74 |
| #2 | dWeezY (=) | +1.38 | 60 | 69 |
| #3 | bNNas | +1.14 | 79 | 57 |
| #4 | Sho | +1.10 | 57 | 64 |
| #5 | The Disaster | +0.97 | 71 | 75 |





