








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 144 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 184 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1383 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,953 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 682 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2362 | 48% |
| HE Grenades | 1117 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 792 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $928,131 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Simply_Stupid | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | Tom Bombadil | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | ^^Not even close^^ | 61% | 38 |
| #4 | WhiteEyeBroW | 56% | 34 |
| #5 | Ratveto | 53% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Lord Pirate | 50% | 36 |
| #7 | emm | 50% | 50 |
| #8 | uRun. jrStenv1k | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | Adrianinho | 40% | 20 |
| #10 | Sir_Torstein | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WhiteEyeBroW | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Ratveto | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | emm | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Lord Pirate | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | uRun. jrStenv1k | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ratveto | 157 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Lord Pirate | 56 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Simply_Stupid | 55 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Adrianinho | 53 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | WhiteEyeBroW | 35 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Pirate | +3.50 | 35 | 64 |
| #2 | Simply_Stupid | +1.73 | 44 | 53 |
| #3 | ^^Not even close^^ | +0.95 | 50 | 43 |
| #4 | Tom Bombadil | +0.33 | 62 | 17 |
| #5 | WhiteEyeBroW | -0.13 | 44 | 59 |





