








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 800 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 161 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3298 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,352 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1739 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1394 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 2654 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2565 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,147,812 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 456 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Moet The Black Scream | 18 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | Lou Sasol | 4 | 0.0126 |
| #3 | Fast Suck | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Black Ben Franklin | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StuZx | 184 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | Moet The Black Scream | 135 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | A SUHHHHHH DUDE | 71 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Black Ben Franklin | 71 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | Joe Penis | 64 | 0.08 | 2 min |





