










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 31 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1037 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,285 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 120 | 9% |
| Smokes | 212 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 601 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 352 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $595,429 of utility $269 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 173 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goose | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | SeagullN | 54% | 59 |
| #3 | Subric | 45% | 77 |
| #4 | sasuke | 42% | 24 |
| #5 | Jacop | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goose | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | SeagullN | 54% | 59 |
| #3 | Subric | 45% | 77 |
| #4 | sasuke | 42% | 24 |
| #5 | Jacop | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Subric | 31 | 0.0201 |
| #2 | SeagullN | 7 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Jacop | 7 | 0.0376 |
| #4 | sasuke | 4 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | Goose | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SeagullN | 83 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jacop | 35 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #3 | Goose | 34 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Subric | 32 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | sasuke | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SeagullN | +1.86 | 68 | 53 |
| #2 | Goose | +1.28 | 54 | 64 |
| #3 | Subric | +0.54 | 81 | 26 |
| #4 | Optimoose prime | +0.49 | 66 | 29 |
| #5 | Jacop | -0.68 | 45 | 69 |





