








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 184 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 205 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2613 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,464 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1643 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1508 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1014 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 299 | 7% |
Our logs show you have wasted $476,753 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lamp | 55% | 76 |
| #2 | ripley | 49% | 140 |
| #3 | MilfMagnet | 46% | 67 |
| #4 | Muscle Man | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lamp | 55% | 76 |
| #2 | ripley | 49% | 140 |
| #3 | MilfMagnet | 46% | 67 |
| #4 | Muscle Man | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MilfMagnet | 19 | 0.0138 |
| #2 | ripley | 15 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | lamp | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Muscle Man | 3 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lamp | 215 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | ripley | 128 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | MilfMagnet | 125 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Muscle Man | 35 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lamp | +1.95 | 75 | 64 |
| #2 | fent | +1.35 | 65 | 44 |
| #3 | ripley | +0.94 | 69 | 41 |
| #4 | MilfMagnet | -0.11 | 65 | 51 |
| #5 | Muscle Man | -4.99 | 6 | 40 |





