








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 200 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 78 matches | ||
| Premier | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 78 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5552 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,061 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9737 | 42% |
| Smokes | 5785 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3116 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 4423 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,251,638 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 103 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | JollyBear | 48% | 185 |
| #8 | Monti | 47% | 259 |
| #9 | ✪ Greenslather | 46% | 111 |
| #10 | Snappynuts | 46% | 224 |
| #11 | Jimmy Boofit | 43% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Insanity | 44 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Doug Judy | 37 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | JollyBear | 14 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Monti | 13 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | fdoud | 8 | 0.0037 |





