








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 292 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 163 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 143 matches | ||
| Wingman | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3138 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,194 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1363 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2199 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 814 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 818 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $674,770 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1435 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Pingu | 44% | 41 |
| #8 | benjamin | 42% | 225 |
| #9 | tragicz #pbcc | 37% | 63 |
| #10 | Toast | 33% | 40 |
| #11 | john f kennedy | 27% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tracy2k | 31 | 0.0137 |
| #2 | largestoak595 | 27 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | benjamin | 23 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | john f kennedy | 12 | 0.0073 |
| #5 | plump | 8 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | largestoak595 | 507 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #2 | Tracy2k | 387 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #3 | john f kennedy | 253 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | benjamin | 200 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #5 | Toast | 109 | 0.14 | 2 min |





