








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
265 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 961 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 206 | 21% |
| Smokes | 300 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 191 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 264 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $152,642 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ChubChub | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Ander Dingus | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | Gurg D. Eeznuts | 100% | 3 |
| #4 | Brett | 86% | 7 |
| #5 | Appa | 86% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Pete Weber | 43% | 21 |
| #14 | obama | 36% | 11 |
| #15 | A-Z | 25% | 4 |
| #16 | frogchamp | 20% | 5 |
| #17 | Mikeatrone | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Appa | 3 | 0.0238 |
| #2 | Mukdip | 3 | 0.0261 |
| #3 | ChubChub | 2 | 0.0513 |
| #4 | Noda Fera #teampositivity | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Dinn | 1 | 0.0087 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pete Weber | 130 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #2 | d0ns | 55 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | Dinn | 32 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #4 | Noda Fera #teampositivity | 26 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | rlaV | 21 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rlaV | +3.35 | 82 | 69 |
| #2 | Gurg D. Eeznuts | +3.03 | 91 | 38 |
| +2.42 | 89 | 61 | ||
| #4 | Pete Weber | +1.41 | 55 | 80 |
| #5 | Dinn | +0.55 | 89 | 80 |





