








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
745 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,322 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 743 | 22% |
| Smokes | 847 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 837 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 895 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $301,947 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 286 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | d0ns | 68% | 25 |
| #2 | Pete Weber | 67% | 36 |
| #3 | Noda Fera #teampositivity | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | biden | 44% | 16 |
| #5 | frogchamp | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Noda Fera #teampositivity | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | biden | 44% | 16 |
| #5 | frogchamp | 42% | 12 |
| #6 | Monke 4 Life | 36% | 11 |
| #7 | M4T3R | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noda Fera #teampositivity | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | M4T3R | 1 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pete Weber | 179 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #2 | d0ns | 64 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | frogchamp | 43 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Noda Fera #teampositivity | 30 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Monke 4 Life | 29 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pete Weber | +1.60 | 57 | 78 |
| #2 | d0ns | +1.48 | 62 | 63 |
| #3 | obama | +0.90 | 65 | 60 |
| #4 | frogchamp | -0.25 | 70 | 59 |
| #5 | biden | -0.91 | 63 | 40 |





