








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
598 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,388 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 391 | 28% |
| Smokes | 394 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 276 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 327 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $186,008 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaya Poopsock | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | hereo | 57% | 35 |
| #3 | zen player | 45% | 51 |
| #4 | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA | 44% | 32 |
| #5 | Tiny Nut | 43% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny Nut | 5 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | zen player | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | hereo | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Kaya Poopsock | 1 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zen player | 339 | 0.32 | 7 min |
| #2 | Tiny Nut | 178 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA | 166 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #4 | hereo | 48 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Kaya Poopsock | 27 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny Nut | +3.45 | 66 | 64 |
| #2 | zen player | +0.69 | 41 | 59 |
| #3 | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA | +0.12 | 26 | 60 |
| #4 | Kaya Poopsock | -0.32 | 24 | 45 |
| #5 | mr. ree | -0.47 | 74 | 48 |





