








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 659 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 143 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1916 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,506 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1587 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1253 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1222 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1444 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $646,760 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Transsexual Hyper-Gooner | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | addie | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | Natural | 55% | 116 |
| #4 | Robitussin Enthusiast | 53% | 66 |
| #5 | machine. | 51% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | addie | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | Natural | 55% | 116 |
| #4 | Robitussin Enthusiast | 53% | 66 |
| #5 | machine. | 51% | 74 |
| #6 | ★ Vize ★ | 48% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★ Vize ★ | 11 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Natural | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Robitussin Enthusiast | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | machine. | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | addie | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Robitussin Enthusiast | 288 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #2 | ★ Vize ★ | 208 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Natural | 207 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | machine. | 68 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | addie | 63 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Transsexual Hyper-Gooner | +3.28 | 70 | 61 |
| #2 | Robitussin Enthusiast | +1.85 | 71 | 64 |
| #3 | Addie | +1.84 | 78 | 54 |
| #4 | addie | +1.31 | 67 | 50 |
| #5 | ★ Vize ★ | +0.73 | 63 | 67 |





