








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 94 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,720 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 358 | 21% |
| Smokes | 367 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 657 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 338 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $326,012 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MR. REEEEE | 57% | 7 |
| #2 | Juug | 37% | 19 |
| #3 | black no dad | 36% | 36 |
| #4 | sweetlou832 | 35% | 26 |
| #5 | jizyah shortz | 29% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | black no dad | 17 | 0.0250 |
| #2 | Juug | 4 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | SirCuck | 4 | 0.0125 |
| #4 | jizyah shortz | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | sweetlou832 | 3 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Don-Kieke | 140 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #2 | jizyah shortz | 64 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | SirCuck | 30 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | black no dad | 18 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | MR. REEEEE | 18 | 0.14 | 0 min |





