








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 961 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 388 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 87 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3841 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,291 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2605 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4123 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2814 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1749 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,210,853 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 279 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | LA Zoo | Giraffe(too drunk) | 43% | 172 |
| #9 | ClitCommanderâ„¢ | 41% | 112 |
| #10 | Kenez | 41% | 27 |
| #11 | LA Zoo | Koala ( IPA ) | 39% | 28 |
| #12 | LA Zoo | Gorilla (on crack) | 39% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LilJewzi | 9 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | LA Zoo | Giraffe(too drunk) | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | 2d gamba | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | ClitCommanderâ„¢ | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Wish | 5 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LilJewzi | 272 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | 2d gamba | 265 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | LA Zoo | Giraffe(too drunk) | 208 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | KABOOSE | 189 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #5 | Wish | 158 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kenez | +2.35 | 72 | 81 |
| #2 | traepa | +2.19 | 86 | 47 |
| #3 | Wish | +1.36 | 62 | 54 |
| #4 | LilJewzi | +1.05 | 60 | 71 |
| #5 | Tarantino | +0.90 | 62 | 50 |





