








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 617 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 344 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5485 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,739 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3770 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3292 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3542 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4135 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,054,265 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XIMER | 59% | 122 |
| #2 | Jägermeister | 57% | 158 |
| #3 | Hassu | 54% | 97 |
| #4 | jAl | 51% | 274 |
| #5 | the.fisme | 51% | 248 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jägermeister | 57% | 158 |
| #3 | Hassu | 54% | 97 |
| #4 | jAl | 51% | 274 |
| #5 | the.fisme | 51% | 248 |
| #6 | | 50% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the.fisme | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | jAl | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Jägermeister | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | XIMER | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the.fisme | 658 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #2 | Jägermeister | 631 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #3 | | 599 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #4 | Hassu | 373 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #5 | jAl | 286 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kRoss | +2.36 | 87 | 66 |
| #2 | jAl | +1.26 | 83 | 45 |
| #3 | | +0.98 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | Hassu | +0.64 | 81 | 67 |
| #5 | Jägermeister | +0.46 | 71 | 66 |





