








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 84 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Esplay | 7 matches | 1,932 | |
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
829 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,132 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 428 | 38% |
| Smokes | 343 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 135 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 226 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $244,309 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 102 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | krayj | 46% | 13 |
| #6 | lessan | 43% | 7 |
| #7 | Bappo get taco | 43% | 21 |
| #8 | ure | 41% | 27 |
| #9 | El Munch | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ure | 23 | 0.0388 |
| #2 | Bappo get taco | 9 | 0.0209 |
| #3 | krayj | 8 | 0.0285 |
| #4 | L E X U S | 7 | 0.0470 |
| #5 | El Munch | 5 | 0.0130 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ure | 206 | 0.35 | 6 min |
| #2 | El Munch | 77 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | Bappo get taco | 67 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | lessan | 55 | 0.31 | 1 min |
| #5 | L E X U S | 48 | 0.32 | 1 min |





