








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2108 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,255 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2393 | 46% |
| Smokes | 989 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 876 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 997 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $169,045 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 118 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Gibby | 56% | 57 |
| #7 | Shitterman | 54% | 26 |
| #8 | primal | 53% | 19 |
| #9 | GigaChad | 51% | 35 |
| #10 | Stussx | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sweaty | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | philly | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Stussx | 4 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | Gibby | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | cry | 2 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sweaty | 448 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #2 | whiip ? | 182 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #3 | GigaChad | 87 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Stussx | 76 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | philly | 71 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | primal | +5.25 | 85 | 66 |
| #2 | philly | +4.71 | 85 | 49 |
| #3 | Sweaty | +4.71 | 88 | 63 |
| #4 | chungitex | +1.83 | 79 | 66 |
| #5 | whiip ? | +0.65 | 72 | 62 |





