








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2218 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,784 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2048 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2910 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2608 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2218 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $795,891 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 156 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHAFT DOCTOR | 63% | 19 |
| #2 | Steep | 58% | 72 |
| #3 | Pyles | 50% | 44 |
| #4 | drew_- | 49% | 98 |
| #5 | mcmcknight | 48% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mcmcknight | 8 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Steep | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Frog | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | drew_- | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Pyles | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steep | 291 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | mcmcknight | 274 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #3 | drew_- | 161 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Pyles | 77 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | SHAFT DOCTOR | 54 | 0.14 | 1 min |





