








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 286 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 167 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 135 matches | ||
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3461 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,115 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5630 | 24% |
| Smokes | 8385 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2727 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 6373 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,718,658 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 588 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ chibix ♥ | 41% | 214 |
| #10 | Melatonin | 40% | 42 |
| #11 | Esky ☾ | 40% | 280 |
| #12 | 𝓝𝓸𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓶𝓲 ⚡ | 39% | 120 |
| #13 | ฅ^•⩊•^ฅ | 37% | 84 |





