








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 484 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 123 matches | ||
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2867 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,334 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1682 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2210 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2053 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1389 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,145,761 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 334 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LurchingDeath | 45% | 196 |
| #2 | ππ³πΌπΆπΉπ°π«π¬ | 45% | 74 |
| #3 | PimentoCheese | 40% | 20 |
| #4 | milton | 29% | 28 |
| #5 | agedwarlock | 25% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ππ³πΌπΆπΉπ°π«π¬ | 45% | 74 |
| #3 | PimentoCheese | 40% | 20 |
| #4 | milton | 29% | 28 |
| #5 | agedwarlock | 25% | 52 |
| #6 | The Coochie Protector | 22% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ππ³πΌπΆπΉπ°π«π¬ | 18 | 0.0123 |
| #2 | LurchingDeath | 9 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | agedwarlock | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | milton | 3 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LurchingDeath | 419 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #2 | ππ³πΌπΆπΉπ°π«π¬ | 116 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | milton | 36 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | PimentoCheese | 16 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | The Coochie Protector | 13 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shooter | +1.70 | 72 | 54 |
| #2 | LurchingDeath | +1.20 | 58 | 53 |
| #3 | ππ³πΌπΆπΉπ°π«π¬ | -0.34 | 37 | 39 |
| #4 | PimentoCheese | -0.92 | 47 | 45 |
| #5 | milton | -2.35 | 37 | 37 |





