








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 717 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Wingman | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5106 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,213 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2784 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2057 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2791 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1581 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,565,628 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 257 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | d0g( | 77% | 35 |
| #2 | Fenchel | 60% | 48 |
| #3 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 59% | 61 |
| #4 | if_jules | 57% | 134 |
| #5 | Horun69 | 55% | 185 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Horun69 | 378 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | Chris P. Bacon | 171 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | d0g( | 152 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #4 | if_jules | 121 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Sus | 89 | 0.02 | 3 min |





