








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1816 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,800 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2182 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2458 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1200 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1960 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $448,777 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alwace | 60% | 48 |
| #2 | Sus | 53% | 34 |
| #3 | Chris P. Bacon | 51% | 125 |
| #4 | if_jules | 46% | 200 |
| #5 | Horun69 | 45% | 197 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Horun69 | 28 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | d0g( | 13 | 0.0109 |
| #3 | Chris P. Bacon | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | if_jules | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | alwace | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Horun69 | 388 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | Chris P. Bacon | 334 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #3 | d0g( | 289 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #4 | if_jules | 155 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | alwace | 106 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alwace | +3.80 | 88 | 56 |
| #2 | Chris P. Bacon | +2.78 | 68 | 56 |
| #3 | Horun69 | +1.90 | 72 | 60 |
| #4 | d0g( | +0.63 | 87 | 62 |
| #5 | Crystal | -0.78 | 67 | 56 |





