








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1207 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,551 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1006 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1328 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1283 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 934 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $458,801 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nathan | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Harold | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | Deev | 56% | 45 |
| #4 | le chod | 54% | 37 |
| #5 | don lemon | 53% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jmax | 15 | 0.0138 |
| #2 | le chod | 6 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | ouibri | 6 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | sǝɥɔʇᴉq sʞɔnℲ | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | don lemon | 3 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deev | 188 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | sǝɥɔʇᴉq sʞɔnℲ | 155 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Jmax | 111 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | le chod | 100 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | don lemon | 77 | 0.06 | 1 min |





