










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 718 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 292 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 84 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




126 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6479 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,602 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4597 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1656 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 6473 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 2876 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,407,375 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1215 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Bones69 | 56% | 151 |
| #4 | BigDaddySmithers | 50% | 439 |
| #5 | browntownJS | 49% | 348 |
| #6 | | 46% | 170 |
| #7 | King_RedTroll | 44% | 52 |





