








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 401 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1846 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,770 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1570 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1307 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 783 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1110 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $649,346 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 157 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fresh Shawty | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | Jev | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Goldbar | 54% | 145 |
| #4 | Tang | 52% | 29 |
| #5 | Metro | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rat | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Tang | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Goldbar | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | ItsRag | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Zombienumshkin cs.money | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goldbar | 426 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | Rat | 150 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | ItsRag | 83 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Zombienumshkin cs.money | 77 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ricko | 51 | 0.09 | 1 min |





