








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 89 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1381 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,976 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 87 | 4% |
| Smokes | 1063 | 54% |
| HE Grenades | 648 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 178 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $175,581 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 255 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | certified pants shitter | 47% | 53 |
| #4 | botigan | 46% | 74 |
| #5 | Kamala Harris | 45% | 93 |
| #6 | SexHaver69 | 44% | 97 |
| #7 | eggwoh | 44% | 111 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kamala Harris | 148 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | eggwoh | 143 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | certified pants shitter | 56 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | SexHaver69 | 54 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | BNutler | 27 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eggwoh | +4.95 | 78 | 71 |
| #2 | botigan | +3.25 | 57 | 28 |
| #3 | BNutler | +0.97 | 51 | 48 |
| #4 | SexHaver69 | -0.22 | 64 | 43 |
| #5 | certified pants shitter | -0.34 | 68 | 40 |





