








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 121 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 145 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1769 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,998 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2668 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2272 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 970 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2088 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $288,226 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thickjawn | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | wimp | 63% | 48 |
| #3 | ุ | 57% | 37 |
| #4 | eblouin | 49% | 65 |
| #5 | snorax | 49% | 151 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thickjawn | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | wimp | 63% | 48 |
| #3 | ุ | 57% | 37 |
| #4 | eblouin | 49% | 65 |
| #5 | snorax | 49% | 151 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | snorax | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | wimp | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | eblouin | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | ุ | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | snorax | 431 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #2 | wimp | 149 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | eblouin | 112 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | ุ | 70 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | thickjawn | 13 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thickjawn | +2.43 | 54 | 55 |
| #2 | ุ | +1.43 | 79 | 52 |
| #3 | DarkBacca | +1.38 | 76 | 72 |
| #4 | wimp | +0.00 | 70 | 57 |
| #5 | snorax | -0.99 | 54 | 62 |





