










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 169 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1130 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,382 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 842 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1062 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 783 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 695 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $106,332 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 101 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ᄂӨЯD FΣDƧMӨKΣЯ | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | James Moore | 59% | 27 |
| #3 | Frothy Discharge Doctor | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | BigSad | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | _Knoxy | 48% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | BigSad | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | _Knoxy | 48% | 42 |
| #6 | RewardingPie | 43% | 7 |
| #7 | DoodleBlob | 38% | 26 |
| #8 | Roland 3.0 | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _Knoxy | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | BigSad | 2 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | James Moore | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Frothy Discharge Doctor | 1 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ᄂӨЯD FΣDƧMӨKΣЯ | 51 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #2 | BigSad | 50 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #3 | _Knoxy | 46 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | James Moore | 20 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | DoodleBlob | 13 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bitconnect | +4.89 | 79 | 57 |
| #2 | DoodleBlob | -0.46 | 29 | 41 |
| #3 | BigSad | -1.19 | 34 | 52 |
| #4 | ᄂӨЯD FΣDƧMӨKΣЯ | -1.48 | 41 | 62 |
| #5 | _Knoxy | -2.00 | 37 | 38 |





