








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1065 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 461 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 138 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6097 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,730 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2382 | 14% |
| Smokes | 5061 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5558 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 3729 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,445,881 of utility $216 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 88 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Krix | 10 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Mrs Smith <3 | 7 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Jägermeister | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | H4d3Z | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | FlawlesZ | 4 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mrs Smith <3 | 666 | 0.08 | 20 min |
| #2 | Krix | 604 | 0.07 | 15 min |
| #3 | H4d3Z | 290 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #4 | Jack Bauerっ◔◡◔)っEmily | 251 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #5 | FlawlesZ | 239 | 0.15 | 7 min |





